Cheshire

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<p>You’ll spend £120 on a serum, £50 on a sound bath, and £30 on a fancy candle to &#8216;set the mood&#8217; — but when it comes to sorting your sex life, it’s all crossed fingers and awkward silences. Despite the boom in wellness everything, sex therapy is still something of a taboo. But here’s the truth: it’s not just for couples in crisis. Whether your libido’s gone walkabout or you’re just craving more connection, booking in with a sex therapist might be the smartest (and bravest) thing you do this year. Yes, even if it makes you blush. </p>



<p>We sat down with <a href="https://www.theuksexologist.co.uk/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Samantha Wilkins</a> &#8211; a bona fide clinical sex and relationship therapist to dig into the things you’re actually wondering. No shame, no judgement — just honest answers and a refreshing dose of real talk. Think of it as your sex-ed reimagined: grown-up, nuanced, and long overdue.</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-are-we-too-obsessed-with-orgasms">Are we too obsessed with orgasms?</h2>



<p>We tend to class an orgasm as the ultimate ‘success’ when it comes to sex. This message has come from a number of sources including the media, porn or even some sex education, and it can create pressure, and sex can become a performance. If the goal is always to reach orgasm each time that you have sex, then does this mean that connection, play, and touch become secondary and therefore less enjoyable?</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-can-you-fix-a-sexless-marriage">Can you fix a sexless marriage?</h2>



<p>Yes, depending on what the reasons are in the first place. When clients come to therapy, we ask them what ‘sexless’ means to them? It could have a vastly different meaning to each client. Does it mean a lack of all things sexual or intimate, or does it mean more infrequent than they would like? Does kissing, hand holding and cuddles come under the header of sex and intimacy? From the conversations that are had in the therapy room, we can look at what we can re-introduce, try for the first time, or even discard when it comes to what the client has been doing up until now.</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-what-is-my-take-on-the-ick-is-it-real-and-can-it-be-undone">What is my take on the ‘Ick’ – is it real and can it be undone?</h2>



<p>The ‘ick’ &#8211; a loss of attraction, disgust or cringey thoughts about someone &#8211; is a real feeling, and it is difficult but not impossible to change. We can look at where the feeling has come from &#8211; has it come from something the other person has done and you cannot ‘unsee’ it. Or is it coming from an emotional fear of forming a deeper attachment and therefore protecting yourself and finding reasons to back away?</p>



<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" loading="lazy" width="1024" height="683" src="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/cheshire/wp-content/uploads/sites/28/2025/10/pexels-cottonbro-9374137-1024x683.jpg" alt="Woman and man kissing in bed" class="wp-image-6530" srcset="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/cheshire/wp-content/uploads/sites/28/2025/10/pexels-cottonbro-9374137-1024x683.jpg 1024w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/cheshire/wp-content/uploads/sites/28/2025/10/pexels-cottonbro-9374137-300x200.jpg 300w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/cheshire/wp-content/uploads/sites/28/2025/10/pexels-cottonbro-9374137-768x512.jpg 768w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/cheshire/wp-content/uploads/sites/28/2025/10/pexels-cottonbro-9374137.jpg 1279w" sizes="(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></figure>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-sex-with-my-partner-has-become-so-repetitive-what-should-i-do">Sex with my partner has become so repetitive. What should I do?</h2>



<p>Communication is so important. What suited you individually or as a couple last week, last month, last year, is not necessarily what you want presently.&nbsp;</p>



<p>If you are in a long-term relationship, our brains get used to the same patterns. What used to feel sexy and exciting becomes familiar. We need to remain curious with each other and not take sex too seriously. Intimacy is meant to be fun too! Talk to each other about what you want in the bedroom! </p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-i-fake-orgasms-all-the-time-with-my-partner-how-do-i-break-the-cycle-without-upsetting-him">I fake orgasms all the time with my partner. How do I break the cycle without upsetting him?</h2>



<p>This is a lot more common than people think, and it takes courage to break the cycle. To start with, have an open honest communication where the focus is on wanting to improve the connection between you both, and not on the ‘I’ve been faking it for ages’, which could cause hurt and feelings of shame and inadequacy.&nbsp;</p>



<p>Communication is key, and leading authentically with what you would like to introduce into your sex lives can have the desired effect, resulting in real orgasms! Positive reinforcement works so well; ‘that feels so nice,’ ‘slow down a little.’ A partner will only know what works well for you if you verbalise it and vice versa. </p>


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<figure class="aligncenter size-large"><img decoding="async" loading="lazy" width="1024" height="682" src="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/cheshire/wp-content/uploads/sites/28/2025/10/pexels-castorlystock-3682271-1024x682.jpg" alt="Red bra left on the bed" class="wp-image-6526" srcset="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/cheshire/wp-content/uploads/sites/28/2025/10/pexels-castorlystock-3682271-1024x682.jpg 1024w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/cheshire/wp-content/uploads/sites/28/2025/10/pexels-castorlystock-3682271-300x200.jpg 300w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/cheshire/wp-content/uploads/sites/28/2025/10/pexels-castorlystock-3682271-768x512.jpg 768w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/cheshire/wp-content/uploads/sites/28/2025/10/pexels-castorlystock-3682271.jpg 1280w" sizes="(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></figure></div>


<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-i-have-never-orgasmed-through-penetration-is-there-something-wrong-with-me">I have never orgasmed through penetration. Is there something wrong with me?</h2>



<p>No, not at all! About 15 – 20% of women can reliably achieve orgasm via penetration. There are certain sexual positions that can help you achieve an orgasm during penetrative sex, and this happens when the g spot is stimulated.</p>



<p>Most women also require external stimulation via the clitoris (directly or indirectly) to reach orgasm. The clitoris has around eight thousand nerve endings (more than any other part of the body), and stimulation of this area can lead to an orgasm.</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-what-are-the-best-sex-positions-that-stimulate-the-clitoris">What are the best sex positions that stimulate the clitoris?</h2>



<p>Woman on top (cowgirl or reverse cowgirl). You get to control the movement, rocking back and forwards rather than moving up and down. This can work as the rocking motion presses your clitoris against your partner’s pelvic bone or the base of his penis. There&#8217;s also spooning: lying on your side with your partner behind you. It allows for slower thrusting and easy access for a hand to stimulate your clitoris at the same time.</p>



<p>Or face–to–face grinding: wrapping your legs around each other’s waists and moving slowly together in a grinding motion. This causes friction across the clitoris and pubic area. This is also great for emotional connection and intimacy.</p>


<div class="wp-block-image">
<figure class="aligncenter size-large"><img decoding="async" loading="lazy" width="1024" height="546" src="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/cheshire/wp-content/uploads/sites/28/2025/10/pexels-tim-samuel-5838841-1024x546.jpg" alt="Man and woman in the shower" class="wp-image-6527" srcset="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/cheshire/wp-content/uploads/sites/28/2025/10/pexels-tim-samuel-5838841-1024x546.jpg 1024w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/cheshire/wp-content/uploads/sites/28/2025/10/pexels-tim-samuel-5838841-300x160.jpg 300w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/cheshire/wp-content/uploads/sites/28/2025/10/pexels-tim-samuel-5838841-768x409.jpg 768w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/cheshire/wp-content/uploads/sites/28/2025/10/pexels-tim-samuel-5838841.jpg 1280w" sizes="(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></figure></div>


<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-nbsp-and-how-about-g-spot-stimulation">&nbsp;And how about G spot stimulation?</h2>



<p>Doggy style: Your partner enters you from behind (you are on your hands and knees). The angle of the penetration works well as the penis curves up towards the front wall of the vagina where the g spot sits.</p>



<p>Cowgirl: You sit on top of your partner, leaning forward against their chest. Once again, the angle of penetration presses against the g spot.</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-what-do-you-think-about-open-relationships-can-they-work">What do you think about open relationships? Can they work?</h2>



<p>Open relationships are perfectly ok if they are consensual and have the agreed boundaries in place agreed by all concerned. Boundaries can include discussions about what types of contact are allowed, how much emotional involvement is allowed, and frequency of when it happens.</p>



<p>Things to consider are feelings of jealousy and managing them, insecurities, and communicating any changes that may occur.</p>



<p>Open relationships can be fulfilling and fun, but just like any other type of relationships, they can become an issue if there is dishonesty.</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-i-prefer-to-masturbate-alone-rather-than-have-sex-with-someone-why-nbsp">I prefer to masturbate alone rather than have sex with someone – why?&nbsp;</h2>



<p>There is nothing wrong with masturbation, it is a healthy normal part of intimacy. However if a client comes to see me wanting to work through the reason as to why they prefer masturbation instead of partnered sex then we can look at whether there is any anxiety present or if there is historical trauma that we need to look at, which in turn would help the client feel more comfortable in having partnered sex.</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-i-don-t-like-sex-anymore-is-there-something-wrong-with-me">I don&#8217;t like sex anymore – is there something wrong with me?</h2>



<p>Absolutely not! There are a number of reasons as to why this may be the case. I could be stress levels, hormonal changes, medication, unresolved trauma or negative sexual experiences. There may have been lifestyle changes &#8211; you may have become a parent or lost someone close to you. Or there may be a desire mis–match within your relationship. If you came to me for an appointment, we can figure out what&#8217;s causing this, and then I can help. </p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-what-do-sex-therapists-do">What do sex therapists do?</h2>



<p>Sex Therapy is not about physical issues, it also includes psychological and emotional factors such as stress, anxiety, low self &#8211; esteem, and communication issues within relationships. We are trained to offer all modalities of therapy, enabling us to offer clients a variety of therapeutic approaches and find the ones that suit them best… one type of therapeutic approach does not suit all.</p>



<p><a href="https://www.theuksexologist.co.uk/">Samantha</a> is currently accepting new clients from her clinic in Tarporley, whether you&#8217;re seeking guidance on intimacy issues, communication barriers, or simply aiming to enhance your overall sexual well-being.</p>



<p><a href="https://cheshire.muddystilettos.co.uk/sign-up/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">ENJOYED THIS? Get more just like it sent directly to your inbox every Thursday and Sunday &#8211; join the list!</a></p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-in-the-mood-for-more">IN THE MOOD FOR MORE?</h2>



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